Welcoming Mistakes!

"There is no way you can learn any task or skill without errors" (174).
Why is it that I, as an adult, a father of two children, a musician who has received a fair amount of schooling and a guitar teacher for over 2 decades, find myself glued to this short statement from the book titled Self-Esteem (174). It is simply so true!

Reading this book written by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning has been an eye-opener for sure both on a personal level and as a guitar instructor. I would like to use this month's newsletter to focus on a chapter in this book titled "Handling Mistakes," in hopes of finding a healthier way of coping with the reality of making mistakes while learning an instrument.
As a private guitar instructor, I do indeed find myself correcting students especially when they are learning something new. "Watch out for your key signature, there is a now also a C sharp in there!" Or, "Keep counting out loud and be aware of the quarter notes changing to eighth notes in measure seven!" When learning to play the guitar we are also constantly evaluating where to play the notes: "You might want to opt for playing the Bb Mixolydian scale in 5th position on the V7 chord" and on and on it goes...
Is not so much of all teaching, in general, pointing out errors and then correcting them? Unfortunately, highlighting mistakes can become a real can of worms if an individual equates errors with their intelligence, or even worse, their sense of worth. The fact is, we learn by making mistakes, and it should be in our best interest to develop a healthy relationship early in life with that truth.

"A rule of thumb for most people is that between one and three decisions in every ten are dead wrong.

And several others may be in a doubtful gray area. For mechanical, overlearned processes like typing or driving, the quota goes down" (175). When acquiring a brand new set of skills the player will make plenty of mistakes, and this is normal. For example when a student is transitioning from playing with a pick to using the right hand fingers, the error quota will at first increase dramatically, and this natural.

However, any music teacher will confess, that the worst case scenerio during a lesson is that of a young child breaking down into tears because he or she is not playing a piece of music correctly! Adults seem to be able to divert this triggered emotional response by immediately trying to explain why they are not playing up to par. Clearly, none of us enjoy making errors or admitting mistakes. "The dream of perfection turns mistakes from warnings into sins" (174). The unrealistic standards imposed on us, either from our parents, our surroundings, the endless bombardments of social media or by too high expectations set by our selves are a recipe to fail.

Then how should we view making mistakes during the initial learning process?
1. "Every error tells you what you need to correct; every error brings you incrementally nearer to the behavioral sequence that works best for completion of the task. Rather than fearing mistakes, you need to welcome them during the learning process" (174).
2. "Mistakes are information about what works and what doesn't. They have nothing to do with your worth or intelligence" (174).
Oh dear, that sounds so simple and yet is so difficult to put into practice! Welcoming the reality and necessity of errors and then using them to our advantage while continuing towards excellence, without too much inner turmoil, is the name of the game. Playing a wrong note is nothing else than playing a wrong note, and if you are conscious and attentive, you will simply acknowledge the error and try not to do the same mistake next time. Not letting it under your skin is key. Every artist, musician or student learning an instrument is engaging in an act of doing something as well as possible.

Striving to be the best guitar player possible is natural for somebody with a passion, and that should be encouraged. Performing music at a high level is only possible if individuals have mastered their instruments. That will come with plenty of practice, live performances and also falling short at times.

Let's embrace our imperfections and wake up to the reality that making mistakes will take up a large part of our lives. Not accepting this will only leave us paralyzed and stunted in a life of isolation. Remember, 10-30% of our decisions will turn out to be errors! However, the performance-oriented society we find ourselves in is not at ease with this, and it takes a toll on individuals who equate their inner self worth with their outward achievements.

We need to rewrite the narrative on mistakes so that we can see them as a positive progression of learning and growth. As a child I regularly heard my grandmother Ruth proclaim: "You live and you learn." Let's rephrase that to: "You live and you learn by making mistakes."
Chris

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